Your wedding ceremony, your rules: 7 traditions to ditch, break or personalise
Kate and Jake - opted for their wedding ceremony to be held at the reception dinner table. Photo by Mrs White.
Because it’s not 1952 And you’re not here for performative fanfare
Here’s a question I come back to all the time:
Why is it that, when we’ve moved away from getting married in churches… we still so often stick to the format of a traditional church wedding?
We say we want a relaxed, non-religious, modern ceremony. Something light, personal. Something us.
But then we start mapping out the day and suddenly we’ve got
Guests standing as the bride enters
A long, silent aisle walk to classical music
A ‘giving away’ moment
Matching bridal parties lined up in formation
Traditional vows
And a structure that hasn’t really changed since your nan’s wedding in 1954
No shade to any of those things, by the way. They can all be meaningful.
But only if they feel meaningful to you.
If you’re choosing a celebrant-led ceremony … whether that’s at your favourite winery in Red Hill, a warehouse in Collingwood or the backyard of your family home - you’ve already made a pretty bold move: you’ve said, “We want this to feel different.”
So… let’s make it different.
Let’s question the traditions we’ve inherited. Keep the ones we love. Rework the ones that don’t fit. And maybe even leave a few behind completely.
Here are 7 church-inspired traditions you can keep—but also have full permission to tweak, twist or totally toss out.
the formal processional
Henry and Morgan opted to walk down the aisle together, with their daughter. Married at Peppermint Bay, Hobart.
That dramatic, music swelling, all-eyes-on-you moment is ICONIC. And it might be exactly what you want.
But you also don’t have to:
Walk alone
Walk with a parent
Be “revealed” at the last second
Have everyone stand like they’re in church
So, if you’re not into the theatre of it, consider:
Walking in together (as Henry and Morgan did)
Arriving side by side, mingling before the ceremony starts, champagne in hand (extra yum)
Choosing upbeat music and dancing in (Rufus Du Sol Treat You Better and Innerbloom are my two fav non-traditional walk down the aisle songs at the moment)
Arrive early and welcome guests yourself
Walk in with your kids or your fur kids
Entering from a different angle entirely (very drama)
Have a laugh, wave at your guests, stop to hug your nan
This moment sets the tone. So set your tone.
2. The giving away of the bride
In a church, it’s a tradition with deep roots. And for some it’s meaningful. An honouring of a relationship or culture or faith.
But if it doesn’t sit right for you, or your family dynamics, that’s okay too.
You can:
Walk in with both parents
Be escorted by someone who’s walked with you through life (chosen fam counts!)
Say a few words of thanks mid-ceremony to all the people who shaped you
Or simply… walk yourself in
No one needs to “give you” to anyone. You’re already yours.
3. A line up of wedding party
Let them sit - like Leigh and Susie did at their Rupert on Rupert Wedding in Collingwood. Photo courtesy of Jackson Grant
I feel passionate about this one – so much so I’ve written a whole blog on it. The classic church setup: everyone lined up, stiff and smiling for the next 30 minutes. It looks neat. But it can feel… a little awkward.
If your wedding party is just there to love and support you, let them do that in a way that works. They can:
Sit in the front row
Stand beside you – maybe mix it up with the wedding party mixed on either side
Be part of the ceremony in other ways—ring bearers, readings, witnesses, bouquet holding
Or, no wedding party at all (you’ve got each other, and that’s enough)
You can read me yap on about this one here.
4. TRADITIONAL VOWS (THAT SOUND NOTHING LIKE YOU)
You don’t have to “love and obey” … unless of course it feels like something you would say.
Your vows can be:
Heartfelt and tear-inducing
Funny and full of inside jokes
Spoken privately after the ceremony if public vows feel too vulnerable
5. A Reading That No One Connects With
In churches, readings are often sacred. But in your ceremony, they can be anything. Or nothing at all.
Some ideas:
A line from your favourite show
Something your partner once wrote in a birthday card
Share a letter or a voice memo
A poem from a grandparent’s bookshelf
A shared silence, a piece of music, or a toast instead
A moment to ground everyone and welcome them into the space
It’s not about filling space. It’s about meaning.
Stillness, sound and storytelling. Any of them can do the job.
6. The Serious, Sacred Tone
This might be the biggest leftover from church ceremonies. The sense that it has to be serious.
But joy is sacred too. So is laughter. So is lightness.
Yours doesn’t have to be quiet and reverent to be meaningful.
You can:
Laugh (a lot)
Clap when you’re pronounced married
Involve your guests in a group sing along, cheers or a toast
Tell the story of how you met like it’s the opening scene of a rom-com
Be joyful and sincere
Contrary to popular belief: Fun and heartfelt are not mutually exclusive.
7. The Structure Itself
The biggest tradition of all? The invisible template we don’t even realise we’re following. Processional. Welcome. Reading. Vows. Rings. Kiss. Done.
You can still do that if it works.
But you can also:
Start with a story
End with a group toast
Add a moment for everyone to reflect or share or laugh or sing
Flip the order. Change the format. Break the fourth wall.
This moment isn’t about familiarity.
It’s about you.
So ask yourself:
What’s the tone we want to set?
What feels right, not just what looks right?
Where can we make room for the unexpected, the unscripted, the real?
Because the only thing you have to do is this:
Show up. Be yourselves. Choose each other.
Everything else is optional.
HERE’s a Final Thought:
Traditions aren’t the enemy.
But they’re also not the rule.
If something feels right…keep it!
If it doesn’t…let it go!
If something new lights you up…create it!
This isn’t about throwing everything out.
It’s about building something that fits you better.
Something recognisably yours.
P.S. Want help designing a ceremony that feels like you from the inside out? That’s literally my job. Let’s grab a glass of wine, chat and build it together.